Transcript

Monica: Relying on God
Season 1: Episode 2

Carol: 0:14

Hello, friends in Christ. Welcome to this episode of the God is Good podcast.

Do not forget my teaching. Take to heart my commands. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. On your own intelligence, do not rely. In all your ways, be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs chapter three, verses one through six.

I'm Carol O'Brien, and I'm your host for this episode of the God is Good podcast. You're in for a very special treat. Many of you already know her, but if you don't, you're about to meet one of the most special people in my life. And soon I hope yours. She's an inspiration, powerhouse, and a mighty warrior for God. All that in an almost five foot tall package. Now, I know that sounds a little intimidating, and I've told her many times when I first met her, I was in awe of her. I saw a woman who was certain of Christ's love for her, acutely aware that she was a beloved child of God, and confident that she was walking with the Holy Spirit. I immediately thought, I don't think I could ever be that confident of God's love for me. I'm just not that worthy. But soon, she shared her story, a story of challenge and persistence, acceptance and love. And that story is the inspiration for this whole podcast. Not just today's episode, but the whole thing. And you'll soon see why.

First, let me tell you a little bit about Monica. She's the very definition of servant leader. She's been married to a wonderful man for 45 years and professes that God continues to be a crucial part of her marriage. She has two beautiful children who have their own inspiring faith journeys. Monica was a first grade teacher for many of her 31 years of teaching and as such has beautiful handwriting by the way. And now she's a coach for many women and men motivating them on their weight loss journeys. Her community is her church. Her large extended family and a countless number of friends. She's constantly crisscrossing the state and the country leading acts, retreats and helping local churches build up their acts evangelization ministries. So without further ado, let's hear from Monica. Hi, lovely. Welcome to the podcast.

Monica: 2:50

Hi, how's everybody doing?

Carol: 2:53

Even though I've been to your house multiple times, I really had to ask you what your favorite scripture is. And of course it's the one we opened with. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Now, why is that your favorite scripture?

Monica: 3:06

When I look back, at different times in my life, it was almost like God was asking me to do things that I didn't think I could do. And he was kind of asking me, Monica, do you trust me? Do you trust me a little bit? Or do you trust me a lot? Do you trust me with everything? And it was like, okay, so trust in the Lord with all your heart has just been my Favorite scripture ever since.

Carol: 3:34

And in the intro, I mentioned that you do have confidence in God's love and you do trust in God with all your heart. Anyone who knows you can see that and feel that in you. Has it always been that way for you?

Monica: 3:50

Not really. I grew up Catholic. I jokingly say, and it's true, I can count how many times I've missed church on ten fingers. And usually it was because I was in the hospital. Church was just a part of my life. And, but God was way out there. He wasn't like right in the middle of my life. So did I trust him back then? No. I believed in him. I knew he was there. I knew he loved me, but did I turn to him first? Probably not. So yeah, I just didn't really know who God was. I just knew he was there.

Carol: 4:30

Yeah, I understand that. God was far away from me too. I did everything that I was supposed to do but I didn't do it because I loved God. I just did it because I knew that that's what I was supposed to do.

Monica: 4:45

I was checking all the boxes.

Carol: 4:47

That's right.

Monica: 4:48

Boxes. I went to church. I went to holy days of obligation. Yeah. I lived what I thought was a good Catholic life. But God wasn't right next to me, standing next to me, walking with me. Like he is now, right?

Carol: 5:05

And was there a point in your life that that changed for you? And if so, what was the catalyst for that change? What made you stop seeing God as far away and seeing him as wait, he's part of my life. He's part of my everyday life. Was there something that happened?

Monica: 5:25

Well, back then, girls went to college so they could find a husband. I mean, really and truly, that was the mindset for a lot of women that I knew. And it was just expected that you were going to one day get married and it wasn't going to be like when you were in your 30s and you had traveled the world or anything. It was going to be soon. And so that was kind of my plan for life. I met my husband and fell in love with him and it was just assumed we were going to get married. But you go into marriage and you get caught up in the wedding and you get caught up in the planning and the ceremony and the, this and the, that, and then you don't spend a lot of time thinking about, oh, we might hit some roadblocks down the road. I don't think we were prepared for those roadblocks. And so, after hitting a really low point, I remember turning to God and that was the first time I ever had. And it's like, okay, what do I do now? Because I absolutely have no idea what to do. That's when all of a sudden, I realized He had been with me the whole time-- guiding me, walking with me, but I had never stopped to listen to him. So that was the first little inkling. The second really big one was after I went to my axe retreat, and then that changed everything completely.

Carol: 6:55

I think sometimes when we get married, We kind of feel like nobody's really told us how to do this.

Monica: 7:04

Marriage prep did not prepare you.

Carol: 7:07

Like, like you're all of a sudden know how to live with somebody completely different than you are 24 seven. And how are you supposed to navigate that where like, okay, now all these things bother me that he does or doesn't do, or that I'm bothering him because I'm doing.

Monica: 7:25

And what we didn't know back then was. If I could do anything over again, this is probably what I would have changed. He was raised and what his family life was like was a little bit different, very different from mine. His experiences were totally different from mine. The way he solved problems was totally different from mine. The way he approached problems was totally different from mine. And you talked a little bit about it in marriage prep, but it was more about money. Or it was more about raising kids. It wasn't about, what are you going to do when these big roadblocks happen? And so we didn't know how to work through that. And we tried to solve them in our own different ways, and that didn't work real well. Honestly, I can say now, it's because God wasn't the middle, in the center of our marriage. We both went to church, but we didn't pray together. We didn't talk about God. We just went to church, check the box. And so, things completely changed when God becomes the middle of everything, the center of everything. Then it affects your money. It affects the decisions you make, because now it's not about you. It's about Him and serving Him.

Carol: 8:43

And sometimes we think, okay, so I've got problems in my marriage. Let me have a child because that'll make everything better.

Monica: 8:52

Well, one of the challenges was that I couldn't. And, that put a lot of stress on the marriage and then of course, when you have your baby, you don't realize how much that's going to change your life. Right. Unfortunately, for a good part of our, let's say, first 25 years of our marriage, my husband worked nights, so I was basically a single parent, and so he didn't always know and understand some of the challenges that I faced. Because the time we did have together was so precious, I wasn't going to burden him with all of that. So I carried all that myself and sometimes I dealt with it very well. And sometimes I didn't. But I don't remember at that time. Yeah. And I was a full time teacher and I don't remember at that time, turning to God, praying to God. I mean, it was just like all I was going to do. I was just trying to survive, and then dealing with some health issues along the way. So yeah, it was a lot. It was a lot. And, communication is a big problem in a lot of marriages. And the lack of communication or communication in different ways, being afraid to say what you really truly felt cause you didn't want to rock the boat kind of thing. Cause then everybody would think, no, I didn't have this perfect marriage.

Carol: 10:16

Right. Well, that's a really good question. Did everybody look in and say, Oh, well, this is perfect. Even while you're going through all those challenges.

Monica: 10:26

They still do. Well, because there's a lot of shame and there's a lot of embarrassment and you don't want anybody to know, you Hey, we're struggling. We need help or anything like that. You don't want anybody to know. So you don't ask for help. You just try to do it on your own. And I like Dr. Phil, he says, and how's that working for you? Not real well, not real well.

Carol: 10:53

Well, and I think a lot of people listening to this podcast can relate to that. I mean, you go on social media and everybody's life looks so perfect and they're doing all these wonderful, great things. And sometimes we say, well, how come my life isn't always perfect? Just like that.

Monica: 11:11

It's true. Well, what I've come to realize is that everybody has something. The people that you think have this perfect life, this perfect marriage, perfect kids, they don't. we all have wounds and we all have parts of us that have been hurt and broken. We just don't tell anybody about it. We don't want anybody to know. Now I feel like I'm called sometimes to share that because God put somebody in my life that needed to hear what I've been through because they're going through the same thing. I just didn't know, but the Holy Spirit's like, you know what? You need to talk to this person. I was like, okay. And then I find out, we've got very similar paths.

Carol: 11:59

And you mentioned the ACTS retreat. What was it that compelled you to go on an ACTS retreat?

Monica: 12:05

It was really interesting. I had a neighbor who had served on ACTS teams and she, I guess in her own way, she knew that I needed something. So she had suggested two or three times for me to go The first two times it didn't work because of schedules and because I'd gotten sick or one of my kids gotten sick. The third time I actually signed up when we moved here. And, it was the best thing that ever happened because I didn't know anybody here. And so all of a sudden now I had this community of people that believed what I believed. But the catalyst for that was her encouragement to go because she knew I needed something. what I realized on that retreat was that I really didn't know my catholic faith at all. I mean, I came back with a different perspective and a different outlook. I guess I was different. I don't know. My kids were asking me all these questions like, Mom, what happened to you? And then, here I am reading books and I'm going to these classes and, they're like asking me all these questions and I didn't know the answer to them. Because, that's just what my mom told me we were supposed to do. And so the first thing I did was sign up for RCA. Because what better way to learn the faith, right? So I signed up for RCA and I was learning things that I had no idea about. And, I'm still learning It just opened a whole new world to me, and I had never served God in any way, and now my whole life is serving God. Everything I do has God at the front of it all. Even my job, you know, I do with a heart that is centered on God. They don't know it. But I do

Carol: 14:10

So we talked about that you had to give everything up to God. And so was that just a one time thing and how did you know how to do that? How did you know how to rely on God instead of your own understanding?

Monica: 14:27

I went through This training, how to discern the will of God. And it's like okay if something is causing you angst, causing turning in your stomach and you're just worried sick and just don't know what to do and it's consuming every thought, then that's probably not something God wants you to do. But if you feel this peace and you feel this joy and you're like, okay, I don't know if this is the right thing, but it feels different. Then that's probably God calling you to do it. And I just had to learn to surrender those decisions to God and trust that He will give me a sign some way. I was in a class one time and somebody said, Oh, the Holy Spirit just talks to me. And I'm like, I've never heard the Holy Spirit talk to me. I want to hear the Holy Spirit, you know, and so I just, I, one day I prayed and just said, you know what, I know I'm probably not going to hear your voice, but can you give me some kind of a sign? Just anything. I don't care how it comes. Just, I want to know that you're there and that you listen to me. And then the next day I was pondering something and what should I do and a song comes on the radio and it wasn't even a Christian song. It was like a pop song or a rock song and it had this line in it that just kept getting said over and over and over again. And I'm like, okay. I get it. That's from God. God will speak to you in so many different ways. Sometimes I feel like I'm reading a book and then the words are just like popping up off the page. That's trust in the Lord. It was like, oh my gosh, the words were just popping off of the page. It's like, okay, God, you're really there. I spent so much of my life not even knowing, so if I have a regret, that's it. You know, but now I know, so everything's cool. Yeah, is my life perfect? No. Do I still have to surrender things to God? Absolutely. But now I turned to him first, instead of turning to him after I've tried to figure it all out myself. Works a little bit better that way.

Carol: 16:46

So that was going to be my question for you is, okay, so now you've had this really a conversion where God was Far away from your life and now God has become the center of your life. That's a huge conversion for anybody to go through. So that was my question your life is perfect, right?

Monica: 17:06

Oh no, far from it. We still have challenges. Life is challenging, right? Retirement is challenging. also with the health challenges that we've had to deal with and just all kinds of things. Everything is not perfect. You know what I've come to realize is that nobody's life is perfect. And I say to myself, how does anyone get through all of this if you don't have God? If you don't have a relationship with him, if you don't believe him, how can you deal with any of this because I couldn't. Yeah, I used to be the kind of person who worried about everything. I really did. I worried about my kids I worried about money I worried about everything. I mean I made myself sick with worry. And it's like, why spend one day worrying about something that God already has figured out? God gave me another little mantra too. He says, don't let anything steal your joy. I'm like, I gave you this joy. Don't let anything steal your joy. And I'm like, okay, I won't.

Carol: 18:17

So that joy and peace, that peace when you're making decisions, it's also when you're living your daily life when you turn everything over to God.

Monica: 18:26

You know, you get overwhelmed. I mean, even just thinking the holidays are coming up. It's like, Oh my gosh, yeah. those aren't the important things. gifts are not the important things. Showing my family that we love and serve and trust God. That's more important than any gift I can give them. Right?

Carol: 18:44

That's right. Well, thank you for sharing, Monica. Sometimes we can lean on our own understanding and believe that God is good to others, but not to me because I'm not worthy. We think that for whatever reason, that whatever happened to us, whatever we did or didn't do, or anything that makes us feel unlovable, we feel that God's love is for other people. By you sharing your story, Monica, I hope our listeners will become more confident in God's love for themselves. To be bold and to believe that God is good. Thank you again, Monica. We appreciate having you.

Monica: 19:22

You're welcome. Thank you.

Carol: 19:25

And thank you to all of our listeners for following, liking, and sharing this podcast. The spiritual retreat mentioned in this podcast is the ACTS Retreat from ACTS Missions in San Antonio, Texas. The website is, if you'd like to learn more, actsmissions. org. We'll share some more information about it in our comments as well and on our website. Until next time, friends, remember, God is good.

Monica: 19:51

All the time.

Carol: 19:52

Amen.

Monica: 19:53

Amen.